Fear
Since I started this blog, I have received a great deal of support from (most of) my friends and family. People seem inspired by my decision to follow my dreams and I have had deep conversations with people I never thought I would about things they have always dreamed of doing but never dared to take on. I know so many more frustrated professionals with artists burning inside of them than I initially knew. It has me thinking a great deal about fear and how it keeps us from pursuing the things we know will make us happy.
I am not a naturally fearless person. In fact... I am actually pretty anxious. I think... and think.. and over think every decision I make and I even lie awake at night wondering if the decisions I made are the right ones. For instance, when I decided to go to law school - I was the first in my family to go - in fact, I was the first of my siblings to graduate college. I thought to myself - who am I to think I can do this? No one in my circle was a lawyer. No one in my family was a lawyer. From my first day of law school to my last, I was afraid. Afraid I would fail. Afraid I didn't belong. Afraid I wasn't smart enough. Emotionally, I would constantly beat myself up for my feelings because what kind of person is afraid all the time?
Then, I read this quote by Mark Twain. I am not sure where, when or why but I did. You may know it. It read:
I can barely articulate how much inspiration this quote gave me. I had long believed fear made me weak. Reading this made me realize that despite my fear, I was still there - I hadn't quit... I graduated... I took the bar... and I kept going. I wasn't fearless... I was brave.
As I take on this new journey in my life, I am plagued by the same fear of inadequacy. I worry I am wasting my time. I worry no one will like my book. I worry I am not good enough. The fact remains, my book has not been published yet and right now, I am driven by a dream. My reality is a stable government job, good salary, high promotion potential and increasing stability for my family - my dream is a BIG question mark. In the depths of the night when I am tossing and turning and wondering if what I am imagining can ever be a possibility I remind myself of this quote. I remind myself that I need to keep on acting in spite of my fear, enjoy my journey and not worry too much about what may (or may not) come. What I remind myself and what I want to encourage anyone else out there with a dream is that you don't need to be fearless... just courageous... and sometimes courage is just taking those steps and continuing to move... sometimes courage is just taking that first step.
P.S. On a completely unrelated note, I highly recommend reading this and signing the accompanying petition! We need to put a stop to horrible, destructive reality television!
Love and Light,
Faye
I am not a naturally fearless person. In fact... I am actually pretty anxious. I think... and think.. and over think every decision I make and I even lie awake at night wondering if the decisions I made are the right ones. For instance, when I decided to go to law school - I was the first in my family to go - in fact, I was the first of my siblings to graduate college. I thought to myself - who am I to think I can do this? No one in my circle was a lawyer. No one in my family was a lawyer. From my first day of law school to my last, I was afraid. Afraid I would fail. Afraid I didn't belong. Afraid I wasn't smart enough. Emotionally, I would constantly beat myself up for my feelings because what kind of person is afraid all the time?
Then, I read this quote by Mark Twain. I am not sure where, when or why but I did. You may know it. It read:
"Courage is not the absence of fear; it is acting in spite of it."
I can barely articulate how much inspiration this quote gave me. I had long believed fear made me weak. Reading this made me realize that despite my fear, I was still there - I hadn't quit... I graduated... I took the bar... and I kept going. I wasn't fearless... I was brave.
As I take on this new journey in my life, I am plagued by the same fear of inadequacy. I worry I am wasting my time. I worry no one will like my book. I worry I am not good enough. The fact remains, my book has not been published yet and right now, I am driven by a dream. My reality is a stable government job, good salary, high promotion potential and increasing stability for my family - my dream is a BIG question mark. In the depths of the night when I am tossing and turning and wondering if what I am imagining can ever be a possibility I remind myself of this quote. I remind myself that I need to keep on acting in spite of my fear, enjoy my journey and not worry too much about what may (or may not) come. What I remind myself and what I want to encourage anyone else out there with a dream is that you don't need to be fearless... just courageous... and sometimes courage is just taking those steps and continuing to move... sometimes courage is just taking that first step.
P.S. On a completely unrelated note, I highly recommend reading this and signing the accompanying petition! We need to put a stop to horrible, destructive reality television!
Love and Light,
Faye
Rosie the Riveter!!! YAY!! I am constantly wracked by anxiety and second-guessing myself. But so is pretty much everyone who isn't a simpleton or suffering from some kind of personality disorder. I recently saw an article discussing happiness and it said that "takers" are happiest because they live simple lives defined by simple terms. Not being "Happy!" isn't a bad thing. It means you are probably thinking about and wrestling with important choices. It takes sustained (happiness-limiting?) effort to be a good person and do what's right. Also, Mark Twain was the shit.
ReplyDelete